I have just re-organised the presentation of my works under the following categories: (1) lyrics; (2) prose; (3) play scripts.

A tribute to George W. Bush's reinstatement as President of the United States of America and a happy second term . . .

GEORGE W. BUSH'S "THANK YOU" TO THE PEOPLE . . .
Based on "Thank You for the Music" by ABBA

I'm quite a screwball - you know, all the "Bushisms"
When I go public, I will get criticisms
For being a terror, a real threat to peace
But don’t they know - Saddam, I managed to beat?
Oh what stupidity!
Never mind; celebrate victory

CHORUS
So I say "Thank You" everybody
For voting for me
Carry on the war on terror
Who can now deny it?
Osama you can't beat me
Soon you will see
Surrounding you out in the Middle East
So I say "Thank You" to my voters
Again a President

People said that I have lied about W.M.D.
The real truth is that: the CIA made the story
So that's not my fault; you blame it on them
How do you expect they'd come up such crap
I tell you, I don’t know
All I do is to follow the code

To CHORUS

I've been so lucky
I managed to kick John Kerry
Out of the polls and out of presidency
What a joy, what a life, so much glee!

To CHORUS

The original "Down by the River" song...

Down by the river
Took a little walk
Ran into some terrorists
Had a little talk
Push them (yah!)
Kick them (yah!)
Push them, kick them (yah! yah!)
Into the river
Left them to drown
We don't need no terrorists
Hanging around

My version...

Down Orchard Road
Took a little walk
Saw the Great Singapore Sale
Had a little shop
Grab them (yah!)
Buy them (yah!)
Grab them, buy them (yah! yah!)
Bought two pairs of trousers
Only for two dollars
We don't need no GST
Hanging around

GONG XI, GONG XI
(To the tune of "Gong Xi, Gong Xi")

While I went to train outfield
Sergeant closed in for the kill
Took my rifle, ran away
This was what he said

CHORUS
Gong Xi, Gong Xi, Gong Xi Ni Yah
Gong Xi, you got guard duty yah

While I went for outcamp run
Woke up and then saw the sun
Realised I was late again
CSM he said

To CHORUS

Went for RSM Parade
Uniform colour had fade
Got caught by the RSM
This was what he said

To CHORUS

WE ARE ENGINEERS (to the tune of "Jingle Bells)

Driving down the road
In our two-cabin bronco
Over the hills we go
Moving rather slow

Overturning drill
Doesn't give much thrills
When we try to drink inside
Our water starts to spill, oh

CHORUS
Engineers, Engineers
We are Engineers
Riding in our bronco
Carrying all our heavy gear, oh
Engineers, Engineers
We are Engineers
Getting wet in flotation
Is something that we fear

Doing Prep for Ops
Do until can drop
"Flop and samura*"
So says the three bar

Burning explosives
Burning our Sundays
Have to sacrifice so much
But there's no rise in pay, oh

To CHORUS

SOCE is so nice
It's at Nee Soon Camp
Bunks are very bright
Never dark and damp

Sungei Gedong Camp
Here at Block 13
Every night when there are lights
The bees will all fly in, oh

To CHORUS

Private or trainee
Private or recruit
Everything's the same
Nothing much has changed

Go for AHM
Run until leg pain
Next day say got SOC
All of us just can faint, oh

To CHORUS

*Samura (Malay): redo everything from the beginning

What a pleasant surprise! Blogger has revamped its webpage, and now there’s more stuff on it! I had the chance to fill in my profile, and while doing so, came across this final entry at the bottom of the page:

Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

Okay, so here’s my pretty lame work, about animals being the important thing in some country which I never bother to specify while writing it down in my head:

Our land expands in front of us
To the Mediterranean
The hills, the trees, the lakes we love
They shape the land for us

But most importantly to us
Are our animals
They provide food for us to eat
Our cows, our pigs, our sheep

Listen to our nation’s pride
Hear their symphony
Of oinks and neighs and baas and bleats
Their sounds like trumpets high

For we take special care of them
Our national treasures
They are the progress of our land
This anthem is for them

DEGREE, DEGREE
(Sung to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”)

Degree, degree, oh degree
I know what your power is!
You can help me to stand high
With you my career can fly
Degree, degree, oh degree
I know what your power is!

When I get my bachelor’s
People will hire me first
With this I will never loose
Many things for me to choose
I will then retire rich
And can eat meat, can eat fish

BRING MY SCHOLARSHIP TO ME
(Sung to the tune of “Bring back my Bonnie to Me”)

My future lies over the ocean
My degree lies over the sea
My money lies just ahead of me
Oh give my scholarship to me!

Give me, oh, give me,
Please, PSC, give me my scholarship
Grant me, oh, grant me,
That marvellous feel of prestige

STAND BY BED
(Sung to the tune of "Stand by Me")

You will not expect
An event like that
Something hectic and nerve-wrecking
To kill you
Of course you’ll be afraid
You do not even know if you’re suay
Let me tell you
This event’s called
Stand by bed

CHORUS
Oh clean it clean it quick
And clean… oh I mean, very clean
Or you’ll get it
You’ll be dead
Stand by bed

When the sergeant comes to check
You can see our shirts wet
Watch the dripping of the sweat
Down our backs
He will make you knock it down
For some dust on the ground
He’ll check thoroughly
Making sure that it’s dust-free

CHORUS


Some vernacular lingo
Stand by bed: room inspection
Knock it down: to do pumping, usually in the sense of punishment

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
--- The BMT version ---

Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)

My NS life may suck
Well then, too bad that’s tough luck
Maybe my platoon chiong and chiong like hell
Mine’s not welfare company
Like some other companies
Where they enjoy and don't get shoved around… but…

Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)

I hate to wake so early
Everyday at five-thirty
I miss the life where I used to be free
I don’t have time to eat
And I don’t have time to shit
Fungus start to sprout around my feet… but…

Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)

The number four I wear
Is enough to make me swear
“Oh bloody hell I’ve worn this thing for days
All the sweat makes it so sticky
Not to mention that it’s stinky
I scatter crowds when on the MRT… oh…

Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)

Oh yes, it’s bookout day
I can finally shout “Yay!”
Which I haven’t said all throughout the week
But then suay suay never greet
The lieutenant that I meet
And then I kena weekend guard duty… but…

Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life
(Whistle)


Some vernacular lingo:

BMT (English): Basic Military Training, which all enlistees have to go through before being posted to their respective army units for the rest of their obligatory service
Chiong (Hokkien): rush; in the army we use 'chiong suah' to describe act of going on outfield exercises

Suay (Hokkien): unfortunate
Kena (Malay): receive (usually in a bad way)